This is a really hard post for me to write. Some of you that know me in the real world know that I suffer from anxiety. This has been an ongoing thing for most of my life. I always think that I am going to get fired from job. Every day that I go to work, I think that it will be my last day there. If Josh is running late coming home from work, I think that he is dead on the side of the road. I don't ever want to spend money because I worry that we will be broke. I don't really have a lot of friends, or any at all, because I don't really think that I can handle them in a social situation. I worry so much before the event that I just don't even want to go. We have even booked a trip to New York City two years ago, but I canceled at the last minute because I didn't feel like I would be in my comfort zone there. Some of these complaints may seem semi-normal (maybe?) Everybody worries, right?
Up until now I have felt like I could manage my anxiety. Well, my worries have been so magnified lately that it seems like all I do is cry. I really felt like I needed help, the professional kind. So today I made an appointment with my primary care physician. As of today, I am a pill popping Paxil takin' momma. I'm not exactly proud of this, but desperate times call for desperate measures. I just want to feel normal. Hopefully Paxil combined with therapy will put me on the right track and more of my posts will be about the socially engaging activities that I partake in. Paxil is not a drug that I have to take for life. I will be reevaluated in a year or so to see if I need to take it anymore. I really do feel like there is a solution and this is the first time I have felt like I can exhale.
Devoured on Wednesday, January 16, 2008