I love my job. I don't really have to convince myself of that. I love the fact that the patients (not nurses) are generally happy to speak with me. I am the key to their food. I love that everyday, I get to eat lunch with my favorite person in the entire world. I love that I have a couple of hours of down time to read. I love the monotony that each day brings. I know that every singleone will be exactly as the day before. That's what I need right now.
However, (and there always is a however) I can never fully seem to fit-in at work. Everyone is just so different from me. I try to strike up some small talk just to cut the tension, but it never seems to work. In fact, sometimes they don't even listen. It's not that I want to be their friends. I would just like some polite conversation now and then. A smile. A nod. I would just like to be acknowledged. It's really funny to come into a room and encounter complete silence. I know they talk. I've heard them chatter between one another, but when I try to join in the silence returns.
I know I'm weird. You read my blog; you know too. But, it can't hurt to be polite to one another. It can't hurt to pretend to be interested sometimes. Their silence really bruises my confidence, not that I had much in the first place.
Stef always listened to me when we worked together. She really is a great listener and good friend. Now we have grown apart somehow. She's going through some things that I cannot even BEGIN to relate to yet. It hurts me. I want what we had without having to work for Christian Foods again. I want everything to be okay with her.
So, I'm not going to give up yet. They can just tune out my chatter. I know that I am a lot to get used to, so eventually I will be accepted. Until then, my work friends will continue to be books.
ONLY TWO MORE DAYS UNTIL: BIKES, BOOKS, and BBQ! YAH!!!!!!